9 months!

My sweet little guy is 9 months! he's growing a tooth with a 2nd on its way!  No crawling, cruising, etc. He scoots on his tush to get where he wants to go. Still in therapy once a week, still visiting the chiro to help with his neck/back.

Life..

Talk about an unexpected curve ball. These last 2 weeks have been such an emotional time for our family. Lets start at the beginning. Last Monday, April 21, my Grandma fell. She wasn't found until Tuesday around lunchtime. She was rushed to the hospital where it was found that she had a broken hip. She went in for surgery and that surgery turned into 3 hours because the break was so bad. They were able to fix it with rods and pins but she wouldn't be able to walk again. By Friday, she was moved into a rehab center. Saturday morning, she was in respitory distress so they moved her back to the hospital. After a few hours, it was determined that there wasnt much else to be done for her. She was declining in health. Her oxygen was low, she had a DNR order in place. Saturday we got the call I was dreading. Granny's fading, it won't be long. I struggled all weekend with whether we should go. Talked to 2 aunts, both said wait a day or two and see how things progress. Monday we got the call that it wasn't looking good. Hospice was called in to keep her comfortable and pain free as she she faded. I got in touch with Micah at work, pulled kids from school and on the road we went. We got to the Brian Center in Laurel Park at 11 pm. I spent from 11-1 am with her, my parents, my aunts and 2 cousins (before they went home). My dad and 2 of the 3 aunts stayed overnight keeping watch. Tuesday morning, the 3 kids walked out of the room for a cup of coffee and in less than a minute, she passed. She just needed them to not be in the room. She needed peace and she felt it as her soul lifted. My Granny was a beautiful fantastic lady. she was outspoken but she was amazing. She was a beautiful kind soul but now her soul resides in heaven with my Grandfather, my Granny Peace and cousins, friends, family, who have passed before her. We layed her to rest yesterday, May 1, on National Day of prayer. The weather was beautiful, the sun was shining, the birds singing, she would have loved the things said. She was and is precious in his sight. We'll miss her but her memories will remain.

 Mary Virginia Crawford Cox
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/blueridgenow/obituary.aspx?n=mary-cox&pid=170851712&fhid=5540

7 months.

Callen is 7 months old! Where did the time go? In the last month he has learnt how to sit completely by himself, and he's gotten the hang of rolling from back to belly. Still no belly to back but he'll get there. Physical therapy is going well. We're hoping to be discharged soon (Our original scheduled last day is April 8)but we're still working on strength of his core. He still isnt a fan of tummy time therefore his neck muscles aren't as strong as they need to be. We're working on it :) Cassidy is doing well. She is doing great in school, struggles just a bit in math (Cameron always excelled so this is new for us) but she'll get there! We do lots of math practice and its rare to be in the van and not answer some math related problems. She's in love with her little brother. She calls him "her baby" and always wants to play with him. Cameron is also doing well. He had his 2nd orchestra concert a few weeks back and did great! I'm glad he enjoys it so much. He's doing fantastic in school, all A's on his last midterm report. I'm lucky he's such an easy going kid most days. I won't lie and say every day is easy because truthfully, it's not BUT the good far outweigh the bad. He also is in love with his little brother and constantly fights with Cassidy over who gets to hold him first.

Callen is so sick

=( He's got a really bad Upper Respitory Infection and now he's being plagued with a nasty stomach bug. Ugh! Can't he get a break? I just want this happy little person back!

Life

My WHOLE world

6 beautiful amazing weeks

Introducing...

Callen Jase

3:14pm 6 lbs 7.3 oz 19 1/4 inches Perfection

New baby!

28 beautiful glorious amazing weeks and we're still trucking along! Inside my tummy growing, is a beautiful healthy sweet baby boy. His name will be Callen Jase and he is our miracle! Alot to report on since the last report in January (sadly life has taken over and I struggle with normal day to day things, let alone this blog) So, after my last post,(on my other blog) we did indeed go back and have a repeat ultrasound and hear a beautiful beating heart in our sweet baby. Unfortunately those first weeks were filled with doctors appointments because of cramping, bleeding, brown blood, light headedness,etc. At 11 w 5 days, we were headed into Walmart with my mom when something felt wrong. I felt wet, almost like I had pee'd myself even though I didn't feel like I needed to go. Halfway from the car to the store I realized I would never make it inside, handed off the baby to my mom and rushed back to the car. Upon arriving next to the car, realized that the wetness I felt was indeed blood and alot of it! We immediately called my OB who insisted to go straight to ER. Came home first though because we had 3 small kids with us and I needed my sister in law to come home and keep them. Passed what we thought was for sure our sweet little embryo, wrapped it up and headed to ER. After a full hour of extremely painful ultrasounds and pressing around on my tummy when I thought all was lost, we got the word that our sweet baby was still alive in there and kicking strong. Diagnosed with a hemmorage and sent home with instructions for bedrest. Had a follow up 2 days with later with regular doctor and saw our little baby kicking around on the screen! At 18 weeks, we found out our sweet baby is a BOY! Amazing and glorious and so happy! We're currently at 28 w 5 days and things are going smoothly. We're having a baby! Ahh. Still seems surreal! :) He's due August 30 but I'm thinking he may be here more around the 23-24th if we can aim our doctors appointments right. What a beautiful blessed life we live :)

Crazy Eights

Saw this on another blog and it looked like fun :) so here goes. 8 TV Shows I watch: 1. Grey's Anatomy 2. Private Practice 3. The Voice 4. Breaking Amish 5. The Talk (NOT the view!) 6. Victorious (with the kids) 7. Diners, Drive ins, & dives 8. Cupcake Wars 8 Favorite Restaurants 1. Tres Portillos (local mexican restaurant) 2. Olive Garden 3. O'Charleys 4. House of Japan 5. Red Lobster 6. Outback 7. Longhorn Steakhouse 8. Bob Evans (breakfast only) 8 things I look forward too 1. weekends when my husband doesnt have to work 2. Snuggles with my babies 3. date nights 4. Watching my baby grow 5. Hoodie weather 6. visiting family 7. Growing old with Adam 8. time with family 8 things I did yesterday 1. went to dentist 2. Had oral surgery 3. Attempted a nap with the littles 4. Made dinner for the kids 5. Spent the afternoon swinging on the porch swing 6. went to bed late 7. cuddled with my little pup 8. played on pinterest 8 things I like about Winter 1. Christmas 2. Christmas Trees 3. Hot Chocolate 4. Delight in my kids eyes 5. Cuddling under warm blankets 6. Time with family 7. Snow days 8. Christmas Carols & Christmas programs 8 Things I am passionate about 1. Jesus 2. my husband 3. my children 4. My family 5. my friends 6. PTA 7. Being truthful to friends 8. being kind to other 8 words/phrases I use often 1. Stop! 2. Quit arguing with me. 3. I love you. 4. Because I said so. 5. Hey babe. 6. Hello (my phone rings off the hook some days) 7. Thanks for your help. 8. Go to bed (to the dog when she isn't behaving/begging for food) 8 things I have learned from my Past 1. God is in control 2. He is good. 3. He is all knowing. 4. I have no control. 5. I have more patience then most people I know. 6. I am more of a giver, then a reciever. 7. I am capable of handling way more than I thought. 8. I need to take better care of my teeth. Places I want to see/visit 1. California 2. Florida 3. Montana 4. Beach 5. Bahamas 6. Florida 7. Virginia 8. N/S Dakota 8 things I need/want 1. A nap 2. A good back rub 3. A new house 4. New neighbors 5. less clutter 6. personal trainer 7. New teeth 8. meet a celebrity

For Julee and baby Preslee.

Karma

So there's this person in my life who makes EVERYONE miserable. When I say everyone, I do truly mean EVERYONE! He is a very unhappy person and its always "his way or the highway!". Well this person has caused nothing but chaos and drama for the last 3 weeks and honestly after going thru every emotion I can think of, in order for my life to stay in tact, that meant this person needed to go. I'll always love this person for the relationship we'll always have but right now, I need to not have this person around or the drama he can cause. Today is his birthday and it's sad that I can't even say happy birthday to him because we're not speaking. But my family is the most important this to me and when he's the reason behind out unhappiness, its time to let go. So I'll say it here instead and hope one day I'll be able to share it with him Happy birthday! I've always looked up to you and tried to look at your relationships to guide me in the ways I could keep mine strong. I hope your day with your family was wonderful and one day I hope we'll be ok again. Tata for now..

First days of school 2012-2013

happy mothers day

One year ago,
my whole world was shaken.

From this bad dream I wondered,
would I awaken?

Days and months go by,
and I'm still living.

I'm lost without you
and we're still grieving.

One day we'll move on
and that day will come..

Until then we'll keep going,
until we're called Home.

Today I'm choosing..

Today I'm choosing to be happy.

I woke up this morning and for some reason, felt peace within my self.

I don't know what broke the chain of bad days, what broke the days of sadness and depression. maybe it's the sunshine? maybe it's the smiles on my kids faces? I don't know but I'll take it.

Here's a little update on my little family.

Last week we took a trip to NC to visit my grandma and visit some extended family and we had a blast. The hotel we stayed in was amazing, we had the indoor pool all to ourselves which the kids LOVED, the kids were on their best behaviors and we saw most of those we went to see.  We didnt get to all the sites we wanted but you know what, we still had a great time. We took my 15 yr old niece with us and I truly think she had a great time as well.

Cassidy turns 7 tomorrow. Ack! how in the world did my baby get so big? She's having a cupcake themed party and so, we'll have a decorate your own cupcake table.

I'm scared..

haha! No, not really. I think it's going to be alot of fun.

We just got a new porch swing and I'm beyond excited about being able to actually sit outside and enjoy the night air. (also means I'll be able to get my hubby out from in front of the tv to sit out and chat with me ;-) oh year, alterior motive lol!)

Cameron got accepted into the gifted 7th grade math program. I should be hearing some more about that here soon. The program he will be in, basically means he'll learn 2 years of math in 7th grade as opposed to 1 year at a normal pace. He seems excited because he LOVES math. Me? Not so much.. I can barely balance a checkbook haha!!!


Micah and I are doing well. We've both been busy. Him with work, me with stuff around the house, End of year PTA stuff and babysitting. On top of all that, my brother decided my niece needed homeschooled for some really awful behavior and so now, I've added homeschooler onto my bucket list. Oy! does it ever end?


Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

I used to be happy...

I used to be able to come whenever I could and post happy updates and all I seem to be able to do since the beginning of the year is complain and post downers... that sucks.

I want to be happy. I want things to fall into place and I want to have my rainbow baby my heart years with love for. Instead, each and every month, I get disappointed and heartbroken all over again.

Every month it seems like I have things to remind me of how I didn't get what I so desperately wanted.

This month?

7 facebook friends are having babies, 3 of which are single unmarried couples who fight constantly, who break up often and get back together and already struggle providing for their children they currently have. 2 of those friends have 4+ children and these new little bundles were all unplanned, and the remaining 2? they are couples who have had problems in the past and are truly prepared/excited for these upcoming arrivals.

My heart wants to be happy for all of my friends but in my heart, I ache for myself, for my husband and for my children bc our family doesn't feel complete and it appears I am unable to provide exactly what we need to make our family complete.

Will I ever be able to make our family complete?

I guess only time will tell.

I want to post something happy.

I truly honestly want to post something happy and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Almost all of my posts since Jan 1 have been sad :( I'm gonna change that.

Is everything in my life better? Nope. Is everyone in my life doing better? Nope.

I am,however, choosing to be positive and know things happen for a reason.
Kids are doing wonderful. Cameron is getting really good grade (except for that pesky C+, but that's a post for another time.) He's doing wonderful in Orchestra and Loves his Viola. Cassidy is doing great in school, also. She's getting better with her reading and she's able to sound out more words without as much help! She gets so excited when she realizes she sounded out a word and it's right! I still have a hard time believeing that my kids are 12 and almost 7. Where did the time go?

Happy Valentines Day.

Today is Valentines Day. Today is the one day per year that is so commercialized that it's almost comical to see what people purchase for each other.  Today is that day our heart swells just a little bit more as we look at all we have been blessed with and those people who mean something special.

I ran across this blog A Dollop Of My Life and she's hosting a Love Letter Link up. She's encouraging readers to link up and write a love letter to someone who has an impact in their life; husband, kids, mom, dad, etc.

I'm going to write a letter to join in, however, I'm not writing to any of those above mentioned people. Instead, I'm going to write a love letter to my dear friend who, unknowingly, I'm sure will never understand the impact she has on my life.

To my sweetest friend,

        Back then I honestly, just didn't care for people not in my comfort zone. Then I got married and started my own family, stepped outside my comfort zone, and made myself talk to you. As we got to know each other, I realized we had alot in common. Our common goals of family, our goals of bettering ourselves in Christ and as wives. Then I experienced a loss you didn't know how to help me through and we lost touch. Catching up to a couple of years back, I heard the  most wonderful news that you were expecting and I was so excited for your new family.  We reconnected through a social website and I can say truly, without a doubt, You are one of my most favorite people ever. We may not speak often but when we do, our conversations have so much meaning and are so very special to me. We're at similar places in our lives because over the course of the last year, we've both experienced losses that neither expected to ever face again. Here I am, almost 10 months later, finally coming to term with my situation and my heart was broken recently when I found out that you, also, just experienced the same tragedy. But we're both moving on, we're both searching for peace,  we're growing in our relationship with our husband's, our children and most importantly, Christ. Even if our paths never cross again, if we're not in the same place at the same time again, I want you to know you hold a special part in my heart. Thank you for being my friend.

 

13 years.

13 years ago today in an unfamiliar doctor's office, Micah and I held hands, prayed and then said goodbye to our very first sweet babe together. 13 years ago, our hearts were aching for the loss of our first child together, a child we prayed for, a child we concieved the very first month we tried, a babe we lost 3 short weeks after a positive pregnancy test.

Tonight as I tucked my children into bed, an extra cuddle, an extra prayer for peace, an extra good night kiss was given.

My heart still counts the days. I never forget. A day doesn't go by that I don't think of the baby that went home with Jesus. A baby that just 8 1/2 short months ago, gained a new sibling in heaven. So today as we mourn the loss and light our candle for the angel we lost so long ago, we also remember our most recent loss.

Will we get another chance to add to our family? Will God Bless Us again? I know He has a plan for us and while I'd love to be able to see the future, for now, we continue to try and we pray for His guidance and his blessings.

Tonight, my first child dances in heaven, joined by a sweet sibling and a dear friends' sweet little ones who have joined them in heaven.

Our Angels are singing and I know they are at peace.

In loving memory of our sweet babies, ~Caleb~ & ~Carys~.

This weekend

as I chase around a houseful of kids, as a note to myself, I will find a moment to reflect. This Saturday will mark the 13th anniversary of when our first baby left my body to be with Jesus. 13 years and my heart aches the same today as it did then. We'll never forget. We'll tell *his* story.

We'll light a candle and I'll spend some time in prayer with hopes for the future as well as thoughts of "what if's" but I'll be thankful for the life we have now.

My kids are my life and even though things aren't moving along at the rate I'd like for them to, I know who's in charge of my life, the One who's in charge of all our lives.

This weekend, we'll remember.

~Caleb~ January 21, 1999
Forever in my heart.

Tonight I want to be mad...

I want to be sad. I want to be angry. I want to be mad.

Tonight, I'm going to be grateful, I'm going to feel blessed, I'm going to share the love.

Things aren't working out the way I always dreamed they would. I'm not yet pregnant with that rainbow baby my heart is craving. I'm not pleased with the way my patience has been going lately.

Tonight, I'm a mom to 2 wonderful beautiful kids. Tonight, I'm the wife of an incredible amazing man. Tonight, I'm trying to be the friend that my friends need. Tonight, I'm going to be the praying person Jesus wants me to be.

Tonight I'm grateful for my life, my family and my friends. Tonight I'm grateful because I can be and I will be.